September 24, 2009

lavatory must-gos

Let's talk about the bathroom. More specifically, things that go on in the bathroom. Yeah that's right. I'm going there. POOP ICK GERMS TAMPON STENCH. Okay, so now that that's outta the way, I want to discuss some things that bother me. I work in a warehouse where some gnarly things go on--and I feel I must vent about it. Sorry for that.

Feel free to agree, diverge, argue or add to my list of LAVATORY MUST-GOS:

1. Skipping the hand wash after using the facilities. REALLY? I don't think going into details on 'WHY' is necessary. Just please (PLEASE) please wash your hands. And if you see someone skipping that part on their way out, don't hesitate to say something. I know I have. It's not THEIR health I'm worried about. It's the rest of us good lil hand washers. We shouldn't have to suffer from staph, e. coli and other illness-causing bacteria lurking in the loo.
2. Using only water to "wash" your hands then wasting three paper towels on your way out. This is the pushy environmentalist coming out in me. It's fine if you wash your hands and use paper towels to dry (though I prefer --because it's more environmentally resourceful--to use the hand drier) but if you're ONLY RINSING WITH WATER, please don't use paper towels. You're essentially just spreading germs around…then killing a tree. 3. Farting/pooping/stinkin' up the place, then telling people on your way out, "I didn't do that. Wasn't me." This happened to me last week. No kidding.
4. Using toilet seat covers. NEWS FLASH: they don't protect you from anything. They are just a way for people to mentally separate their bums from other bums. IT'S JUST SKIN, PEOPLE. To me, sitting on the cold porcelain of a toilet seat is just as unsanitary as touching a door knob or shaking hands. Assertive environmentalist, here: It's a waste of paper, which is a shame.
5. Leaving messes. Just. Don't.
6. Having full-on conversations from inside the stall. Bathroom time = my private time. Leave me alone.
7. Plugging up a toilet in a public bathroom then not telling anyone. Yeah, it might be embarrassing that one of your turds caused an overflow, but it needs to be fixed. I walked into the bathroom at work one day only to find two inches of sewer water and crap ALL OVER the floor. I slipped and barely caught myself--but not before splashing around in the filth from the banana peel slip reaction. The bottom three inches of my pants were wet for hours.

8. Undoing your pants, untucking your shirt or unbuckling your belt before you're actually in the stall. I don't want to see your panties. STAY DRESSED UNTIL YOU'RE OUT OF MY SIGHT.

9. Bathroom graffiti. What are we, six?

What are your bathroom peeves? I'm sure I'm missing some stuff here…


Amy said...

you crack me up!

i have to admit, i'm one of those toilet seat cover users... sorry. i guess you're right, it probably doesn't do much and is just a waste of paper, but it gives me a little peace of mind. otherwise i just squat.

wash your hands people- totally agree with you. soap, hot water, more than 3 seconds!

it bothers me when people don't clean up after themselves either. they're at the sink and get soap and water all over and don't take a second to use their paper towel to wipe up the counter... i feel bad for the people who have to clean the bathrooms already, we don't need to cause more work for them.

and- it bothers me when people use a paper towel to open the door with and then throw it on the floor because there's not a trash there. i do think it'd be an easy solution for the restroom to put a trash there in the first place- but it bothers me when people expect that somebody will come along to clean up behind them. rude.

Amy said...

wow- that was looong. sorry!

Christy said...

I don't use the toilet seat covers ever! I just hover squat whenever using public restrooms. The only thing that sucks is sometimes auto flusher toilets flush too soon and the water splashes all over... k I'll stop there.

And I hate is when I set my purse down on the countertop and it gets drenched. I don't get how people can get water everywhere while washing their hands.

And I hate when people bring little kids into the stalls and then they peak their heads into your stall. Control your children!

And I could probably continue, but I shalln't. :)

Andrea said...

I don't think they should even put toilet seat covers (or paper towels either) in bathrooms! Seriously, how many other ways can society convince you you'll get some crotch disease unless you waste endless amounts of paper? And squatting doesn't do anything but give your thighs a work out. Just sit on the freakin' seat! You won't die.

And I'm going to add to your list...stupid automatic faucets that never turn on! Okay, that's not a bad habit that people do, but it still peeves me. I can't stand sitting there for five minutes waving my soapy hands in every imaginable direction just trying to get the water to turn on.

Stan said...

I go walking into the bathrooms near the entrance of My Layton WalMart® one day (I found out later that they are the filthiest, the bathrooms back by the online purchase pick up are the cleanest by far) and as I round the corner I see in the middle of the floor where someone had taken a massive dump, then pissed all around it. There were the typical WalMart Shoppers™ walking around it to get to the stalls and urinals as if it were nothing out of the ordinary. I immediately start gagging and dry heaving, I pull my shirt over my nose and left.
As I'm walking out I see this happy old man dressed in his WalMart uniform pushing nothing more than a mop bucket with his trusty mop. Apparently someone alerted management that the bathrooms needed to be cleaned, but I don't think they got the message across very efficiently.

This old guy had a smile on his face, he was chatting with 'associates' and had nothing in the way of gloves, face mask, dust pan, wet-vac, biohazard handling materials, etc. It was as if he was marching into something that was going to be way beyond his skill set.

If someone told me to "grab yer mop. Someone took a redneck sized poop on the floor and you're in line to clean it up" I don't care how boring unemployment would be. I'd quit on the spot.

Crystal Ross said...

It's true. all of that is true.

Crystal Ross said...

Oh. my. lord. please NO. Stan that is disgusting and sad. Thanks for telling the story, though. I also love that you used the registered trademark symbol and such. Way to be legit. ha

Stan said...

HAHA I like to cover my ass. I don't know what WalMart owns besides everything, so I figure if I use a term that I've heard in their stores they probably own it.

Stan said...

I have 3 bathrooom pet peeves I guess I could share. This kind of reminds me of The Airing Of Grievances.

1. People that insist on going #2.
Yes, I know, I've seen the book "Everybody Poops" but do you have to wait until you get to WalMart to do it? I can't count the number of times I needed to just quickly use the bathroom or wash my hands and have been immediately run out of town by not only the stench, but the sounds. Oh goodness the sounds can be far worse.

2. Urinal design.
Those of us that have the luxury of peeing anywhere we want have certain hazards we encounter when we use a urinal. I call it 'splash back'. Its akin to when you are driving down the road and someone in front of you uses their windshield washers, and some of it always ends up on your windshield.
I wish other users would either wait for me to finish, move down a urinal, or use a toilet in a stall. Or maybe they could just build the bathrooms with more than 4 inches between urinals.

3. Casual Conversation.
I'm in there to pee. I don't care what number you have prominently displayed on the rear window of your truck, and who is going to be 'swappin paint' this weekend. I don't like it when you fart either.
I'm doing something personal that I do by myself 25 times a day, and now I have to do it standing shoulder to shoulder with a complete stranger. Long story short, I don't make eye contact with other guys when I have my junk in my hand.